his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My breasts were aching with rage.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
