my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
