Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
