I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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