I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
