why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
