I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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