I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
