Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
