i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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