I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
