i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
