we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
