just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
