I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
