Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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