Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
