After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
