i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
