Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
