Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
