he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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