I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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