You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
