didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
