Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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