my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
