You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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