just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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