well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
