A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
