the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
