Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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