Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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