My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
