Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
