god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
