Michael Bay diarrhea
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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