Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
