Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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