i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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