I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I died a long time ago.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I checked into jail on foursquare
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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