Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
