He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
