he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
