I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My ass is underappreciated
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
