so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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