the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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