U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I looked at my own cervix.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
