my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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